Month: May 2019

(apologies to Peter Gabriel, it’ll make sense as you read on)

I’ve taken up my meditation practice again after going to a 3 day retreat recently. It’s helping. Feeling a lot more steady about my world and able to also engage in a small AA like group for Sexual Anorexics.

So the concept that Poly talks about when she feels the “connection”, well for someone like me who is a sexual anorexic with anhedonic tendencies, this connection is just the first step to an all-out invasion of the self. Learning a lot from this small group and learning about the problems other people have when connecting socially, emotionally and physically. So it seems strange to be writing this blog, but part of the point is that I am actually quite removed from Poly’s life. Absolutely fascinated by it, but removed.

Anyway the meditation is helping, and I’m reminded of something my original meditation teacher told me when I first started years ago. There are two ways to enlightenment, for some there is the quiet approach of meditation and retreat which allows for a slow and gradual growth in consciousness over time. Bit by bit the layers of the ego are unraveled allowing you to connect to a universal consciousness.

And then there is the alternative method of working on yourself which is called “having a relationship”.

Typically we refer to this as the “sledgehammer method.”

The real question then is, does having multiple parallel relationships make this sledgehammer method harder or easier?

Poly’s sexual activity seems to be increasing. There are now a number of guys / couples who she has either met when playing or through dating apps and they all need to be time managed. It would probably be confusing to call them all out individually and seriously who has time to keep a detailed biographical mind map of all the characters, their changed names likes and dislikes. It’s hard enough trying to understand the plot in Game of Thrones, so we just don’t need the headache. Instead, the focus will be on some key individuals and what issues arise with them.

First, the potential suitors have to be vetted. Using the general public as a chaperone, Poly will take a guy out to a “screening”. She’s not fond of calling them dates, because that just sounds lame and to be honest it is not a ‘date’, as she says “we are both just screening to see if we want to fuck each other”.

Talking in a quick catch up over coffee one afternoon, Poly tells me she has a “screening” tonight with someone she refers to as “the cocky guy”. They haven’t met and already he’s texting that she should not wear panties to the dinner, to which Poly says “…Ahh, that’s not me!”

This kind of attitude fits into a general theme that Poly is asked about “ALL THE TIME” which is where they want to know what her kink is. “Why do people mistake being highly sexually active with being kinky” Poly exclaims. “I get asked this ALL THE TIME, what’s your kink, and I’m like, I just want normal sex, …just lots of it”

It’s a good point, why does having lots of sex seem to equate to having weird sex? Poly doesn’t mind other people having their thing, but it’s not something that does it for her. Ironically, you could argue that I have more of a kink than Poly because I have no sex at all whilst writing this blog, which in a way seems kinda weird.

Anyway, in between the nights set aside when she has her daughter, here is a brief running sheet for the next week, there is Cocky Guy tonight, and Italian guy tomorrow night who sounds like he comes with the opened buttoned collared shirt, chest hair and gold neckless. Am I being racist here? Actually he’s just well-dressed and confident.

On the weekend there is a really cool couple she’s met previously. She’s an ex-model and he’s really considerate and easy going, so Poly is looking forward to that, mostly I think because it is already organised for her, it’s straight forward and they are unlikely to change plans given their previous association. It ticks the boxes of being well planned, easy to accommodate and ostensibly “normal”. Well as much as a threesome is normal.

Then early next week there is a really nice guy from Wales for a second date who Poly met through a more traditional (non-kinky) dating app. He has had to change his travel plans which has thrown Poly’s schedule out of whack, so that’s a bit annoying. She has only one opening on Tuesday, so it’s that or nothing for a few weeks. There is some trepidation with Welsh-guy because he is mucking her about, but then knows how to wheel her back in just as she is getting fed up. And of course the sex is ‘insane’ so that just increases her thirst for him. But she sees her old patterns coming in with this one and is more aware now and cautious. But more about that another time.

Then an old flame from the UK is returning. You may recall Tim, he was the guy flying between here and the UK every few months. He wanted exclusivity but it got difficult and didn’t work out. He is now very keen to mention he has a new girlfriend who will be traveling over here to a neighboring city for a few weeks with a friend before they go off to India to practice yoga. Poly is wondering why this guy has turned into a hippy. She is still looking forward to catching up, but also says that “emotionally, I’ve moved beyond it.”

Poly tells me that once she has “emotionally moved on” from someone, then the very idea of having sex with them seems, well, kinda funny. She laughs in the coffee shop whilst talking about it, and there is no faking this, Poly genuinely thinks it is funny. I ask why “funny” and she equivocates about what this means.

She knows it to be a common theme at the end of a relationships, like with Ed (father of her child) who she was with for a few years. At the height of their relationship she was totally into him, saying “for about a year we had the best sex and I couldn’t get enough, but now I’m like ….urrrrrrggggghh. It’s bizarre because at one point in time all I wanted was to have sex with him.”

When prompted by the thought of having sex with any ex, Poly laughs at first. I mention to her how we often feel that the “self” we have is unchanging, but in reality it is always changing.

In meditation we learn that the self or ego is just the waking thought at the top of a vast understanding of consciousness. The idea in Transcendental Meditation is to witness all these layers of ego and waking thought. We allow them to be there whilst at the same time coming to understand that the self is something in constant flux like the waves on an ocean, where the connected consciousness is way down below the surface.

I mention some of this to her, saying how the self has the illusion of being constant but is always changing. Poly says “I look at who I was at the start of my relationship with Ed and who I was at the end, and it’s two completely different people. There are aspects that seem like constant traits, like being raw and fucking honest has always been there, but most of the rest is completely different.”

This blog is uncovering something that was not expected. In so many ways we are finding that polyamory, sexual play and open relationships in general are really about uncovering aspects of the self and doing that inner work. Even the variously seeming shallow men and women, the players and the kinky, they are all being thrown into the deep end of introspection, willing or not. What results could be descent into denial, jealousy, anxiety, depression, increasing addiction or for those willing to do the work, self-realisation and growth.

What they do with it is ultimately up to them. No, hang on. What we do with it is up to us. Or better still because I’m looking into a twelve step program for sexual anorexics, what I do with it is up to me.

This internal work is something that I admire about Poly, even though that sledgehammer seems a bit scary.

Poly and I had dinner the other night, and the venue was cool, the food was awesome, the conversation was great but then we separated and simple went home. Poly confessed that she wanted to make sure she didn’t try to hook up with anyone that evening on her way home (i.e. call up one of her playmates) and so had left her legs unshaven. Probably because I’ve never really liked Bridget Jones Diary, I wasn’t aware of this sort of behavior, but she informs me that it’s a basic way of enforcing the “I’m not going to have sex tonight” criteria for an evening out. It is also an indicator as to our relationship, I’m the unshaven leg guy.

I was feeling sorry for myself, and wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it all, but I soon got re-engaged when Poly starts sending me texts the following morning about a new guy (let’s call him Jerry) who has been doing a full on “player” number on Poly.

Adam is still around, but the party is done and their relationship is sort of ok-ish (more on Adam next week). But Jerry is new. And, Jerry is a player. And Jerry is really really good at it.

For instance, he will make plans and then have to cancel them at the last minute. This frustrates the hell out of Poly, which naturally, only makes him more desirable.

By contrast there is also another newbie in Poly’s life (William) who is also good looking, nice, honest and will turn up as planned. William is not at all “bad”. And, yeah, …not so interesting.

So I’m getting all these texts about Jerry and he’s got Poly completely hooked. I listen to the rant and respond to console and help make sense of it. Then they make further plans and again, BAM! He’s made a mistake and has to fly off somewhere saying “sorry babe, just fucked up, can’t get out of it”. And so I get another dump of texts around this guy that she now really REALLY want’s, but who’s also a complete flake.

But you have to ask, what the fuck is going on?

It’s taken a while to sift through it all, and I’ve been ruminating on this dilemma about how this misogynistic “treat-them-mean, keep-them-keen” approach seems to work so well. Anyway, I wrote the following email to poly in the hope of making sense of all this. It was never intended to go into the blog, but Poly suggested it would be great, because it “is extremely comprehensive and your knowledge and ability to apply it keeps blowing my mind!”. Well at least I’m blowing her mind in one respect : ). Anyway this is what I wrote:

Hi Poly

Wanted to lay this out more comprehensively in the hope it will help. When looking at the issue with Jerry, I suspect the problem is one of Classical Conditioning that you probably are not aware of. There is a wiki page on this that may offer more on the underlying principle:

So here’s what may be happening.

Explained through Pavlov’s infamous dog, the bell ring (conditioned stimulus) is associated with the food being placed in front of the dog so that the dog then anticipates the taste of the food (unconditioned stimulus) and thus salivates (unconditioned response). Over time with repetition, the bell will cause the dog to salivate without the food being presented (conditioned response).

So in a human, anxiety, fear or excitement can cause the release of Adrenaline. The adrenaline helps us by refocusing and creating energy in the body as it is required for escaping, fight or flight. It is also present when excited because it provides energy that enhances the excitement and allows us to fully capitalise on it.

The anticipation of Sex can cause the release of Dopamine, which is the neurotransmitter that is used to motivate behavior. In a natural system there is a motivation to eat, feel safe, avoid pain, feel pleasure, have sex etc., and it is dopamine that drives these sorts of reward seeking behaviors.

Through his own history and experience, Jerry has acquired a set of behaviors that makes him act in a certain way that essentially works well for him with certain (most) individuals. It allows him to control his world by creating chaos in other peoples’ world. And it may work like this.

The chaos of the situation will trigger an adrenaline rush in you. This is in part due to the need to be organised and also maybe be due to the fear of being rejected or abandoned. Or it could be both.

But the adrenaline may also be acting as an independent or Conditioned Stimulus to the dopamine. It is associated because there have been enough instances of the two occurring at the same time for it to be associated. The presence of this adrenaline over time has been paired with the dopamine, such that the set of behaviors he exhibits is also acting to make him MORE desirable.

Chaos — > Anxiety/Excitement –> Adrenaline (Bell Ringing)

Desire for Sex –> Dopamine (Food)

Having Sex (Salivation / eating food)

His actions in creating chaos and uncertainty will trigger this conjoined adrenal-dopamine response in you.

However, predictability and certainty (with nice guy William) do not trigger this adrenal-dopamine response in you, instead you get just the normal arousal from the expectation of sex. It’s ok, but it’s not “GREAT!” to paraphrase your words.

So when Jerry creates chaos, it increases the physiological response in you that is associated with sex. You’ve also indicated that you like men to take charge and be a bit dominant in sex. In addition, it could be that a man with a high passion quotient would also be more desirable. To my way of thinking these other factors may also create an enhancing effect in the dopamine response.

Simply put, Jerry’s behavior creates MORE dopamine than someone who has their shit together. On a personal note, it’s also why someone like me who prefers a woman to take charge and be dominant would be a complete turn off. There is absolutely nothing to get excited about there. Like the other nice guys, they’re “nice”, but they are not an overwhelming-must-have-it-NOW !!!

So what do you do about it?

Don’t know, it’s really hard to break conditioning, particularly when the response is seemingly random (as with gambling). You could look up how to break conditioning online, but my only suggestion is to:

Notice as it occurs -> Reflect -> Notice …etc
and repeat until something shifts

I’m calling it the “Bad-Boy-Is-A-Bell” theory of why assholes are much more successful with women, and whilst thinking that the Operant Condition model is probably more correct than Classical Conditioning, there is less alliteration in “bad-boy induced adrenaline is a positive reinforcer for dopamine in sex.” Just doesn’t have the same “ring” to it.

Of course, I could be completely wrong.

It’s just a theory.

So Poly did end up in a second threesome in the week after the sex party. John’s former fling, let’s call her Judy, arrived at John’s place the other night and much sex was had by all. Judy was pretty taken by Poly and has apparently asked John to give her Poly’s number so they could “stay in contact”. However the number was not passed on by John…which is not surprising. Poly tells me that she thinks this is because John does not want Judy and Poly to hook up with without him.

Ahh jealousy! Even when you are super-hot and have sex on tap, this thing called jealousy is still there. Usually jealousy is really just about feeling rejected or abandoned. It could also be associated with betrayal, or it could be grief at the loss of intimacy. Jealousy has many faces, but in this instance it’s just plain old vanilla FOMO.

There has been a lot of sex recently for Poly, and she describes to me how there is a ramping up that happens. The more she has sex, the more she wants to have sex. When talking about all this we have mentioned “it”, and we have skirted around “it” a couple of times, but the question remains: is Poly addicted to sex?

Certainly when you read the literature on sex addiction, it would seem that she is. However, most of this literature has been written by men. And if Poly does have sex addiction, what does that actually mean?

I’ve worked with a variety of men’s groups, and I’ve even been to a Sex and Love Addicts anonymous meeting, which was an all-male meeting. What I hear when talking about sex addiction with men is that there are associated behaviors that make sex addiction debilitating. There is no doubt that sex addiction is a real problem, that’s not in dispute. What’s interesting is how it differs from what is happening with Poly.

Is Poly hooking up with random strangers in back alleys and public toilets? Uhmmm, No! For Poly there is a rigid diary structure and compartmentalization of time when it comes to who she meets up with. The first meeting with someone is in a public place and there is usually no sex. She also has to have both a strong physical attraction to them as well as some level of intellectual connection. She also wants to know that she is disease free, so safe sex is a precondition. There are no sex workers and visual imagery is more “erotica” than “porn” and to be enjoyed WITH someone, not alone. All in all, it’s not sounding very addictivey.

Sure the ramping up of desire and craving more and more is something Poly is aware of, but the real test of an addiction is whether or not it disrupts normal everyday functioning. Well this is not the case for Poly. She wants to feel that connection with the other person/people, and this is not just a physiological thing like taking a drug or getting drunk.

All that said, I would point out that I really only know sex addiction from a male perspective. Or to be more concise, from an ugly man’s perspective.

I’m 14 years sober (ie without having had sex) and it’s been nearly 20 years since I let go of my addiction to pornography. I don’t think it’s wrong, I just don’t like the manipulation and for me there is a greater issue of control. In fact, it would be more accurate to say that I have something called Sexual Anorexia. Well, sort-of-ish.

Typically “Sexual Anorexia” is the opposite end of the same spectrum as sexual bulimia (binging) which is the classic image you might have of a sex addict. The anorexia is associated with a fear of intimacy and in some instances would involve the use of sex services, however I’ve never been to a sex worker. Also in sexual anorexia there should be an absence of hunger for sex, but in my case that’s not accurate at all. I crave constantly.

For me there is the fear of intimacy, but the main reason I resonate with the pathology is because there is a need for ANY FORM OF CONTROL around something over which I really have no control at all. I have no control over interacting with women because, as previously stated, I’m not that appealing to women.

Sure, the typical response if I say this to someone is “oh but for women looks are not as important”, or “but you’re a really nice guy”, or “there is someone for everyone”, or “but you just need to be positive and keep hope that you’ll find someone”. To which my respective answers are “bullshit”, “so what”, “who says, the media trying to sell you something?” and “hope is the fucking problem you idiot”.

Poly and I both crave sex, and I am writing about her flood of hook-ups, whilst suffering a pathological drought. Yep, this blog is really fire and ice stuff.

So what does being ugly have to do with it?

To understand why it is important, take look at some other common pathologies and then consider the specific context or environment in which that pathology exists.

Consider for instance a women with actual anorexia, where in large part it is about the exercise of extreme control over something that they CAN control, all because they live in world where they feel they have no agency. For a normal average person this would be bad. Now what happens if the person concerned were in a different context? What happens if they are a model? Suddenly the context and environment is different and the disease is therefore different. It’s still debilitating, but the context has changed what the pathology means, in this case because it is economically supportive whilst also being debilitating.

Now consider a second pathology of narcissism. A person with narcissism is self-absorbed, often associated with a malformation of empathy. Without going into too much detail, a person with narcissism is only really concerned with their own reality and for all intents and purposes, they are the centre of the universe, because that is how they understand the universe. In a normal everyday context, this is debilitating, but what happens if this person is also an incredibly successful musician and performer, who has accumulated a vast amount of wealth, fame and influence. Through simple attrition they will end up being surrounded by people who support this idea that they are the centre of everything, to such an extent that they ACTUALLY ARE the centre of everything. Think Michael Jackson and you’ll get what I mean.

What happens when the environment supports the pathology?

For me, I would have loved to have been able to have as much sex as possible. It would have been great, I would have given it a red hot go. But the environment does not support the pathology. I am short, bald, overweight and don’t have a lot of money. When I consider all those men’s groups and the guys who identify with being sex addicts, not many of them were all that attractive, and so the spiral down into porn and prostitutes and more deviant sexual behaviours is the stereotypical path taken.

Now consider the ridiculously good looking John that Poly knows. He could pick up the doctor in a medical centre whilst she is explaining the positive STD test results to him. Because of his good looks and six pack abs, the environment (how women are attracted to him) instead supports the pathology.

Sure there are still going to be issues around intimacy and relationships, just as the model is still going to have a big problem with their health and body image. And also how the narcissism of Michael Jackson meant that he ended up with a sycophantic doctor that over-prescribed something that killed him.

For an unattractive man, the environment also informs the pathology, and the unfulfilled desire becomes crushingly present. But is having too much desire a problem for John? Nope. Instead it’s just, well …normal.

Like the Buddhists say, I contend that desire is the cause of all suffering.

However, unmet desire is far worse.

So you ask, is Poly addicted to sex? Well it’s actually more like Classical Conditioning, but that’s for next time.

Please note, this is way beyond PG13

It’s a warm Saturday afternoon in the city when Poly and John check into a five star hotel, and have sex.

They’ve made it through the tumult of the previous weekend and held it together long enough to make it here, because tonight is the big night. The hotel is close to the event which will be held later in the evening and they decide to miss the much talked about pre-event drinks that had been suggested in the pre-event forum. Instead they take their time getting dressed, or is that undressed, then dressed again, it’s all a matter of perspective really.

John is wearing a crisp white shirt and black skinny leg pants, with a key point that they are practical and easy to remove. Not the stripper-velcro-easy-to-remove, although the thought had occurred to Poly. He tops it off with his black leather jacket, he looks good, but then being the ex-model type, that’s probably not difficult. Poly is wearing a black mini cocktail dress whose sole function is to mostly hide the extremely expensive lingerie. It seems the more expensive the lingerie , the less there is.

When the time arrives, they head off to the appointed luxury penthouse apartment which has been taken over for the evening. As they arrive, all bags and especially all electronic devices are checked in. Then they literally sign in by filling out a non-disclosure agreement where they agree to the rules of the event. It would seem that even bureaucracy is trying to be raunchy as the agreements go into some detail about the content of the event and the explicit confidentiality of all participants, the location of the event, as well as the organisers of the event.

Wait a minute…., I’m calling this an “event”. That’s because it’s making me uncomfortable. After months of hearing Poly talk about her erotic awakenings, you’d think I’d be more habituated to it, but I’m not. The idea of people agreeing to have sex in the presence of each other is so far removed from anything in my experience that it just seems beyond weird. This is a large group of people coming together in order to cum together

Anyway, I may be a prude, but discomfort aside, this sociological prude needs to forge on.

The “event” in question has finally arrived, and Poly is at long last going to a swinger’s party in order to have sex. And watch other people have sex. And to have them watch her have sex. Even though at these sorts of events, it’s more correct to call it “play” as this covers a broader range of activity, …but it’s mostly sex.

There is apprehension in the air as they enter the room.

As I write this, it occurs to me that “Apprehension” sounds like a new fragrance from a movie star past their prime who is trying to round out their financial portfolio. That sense of “Anticipation” and “Excitement” with a little bit of “Anxiety” which, if you think about it, could also be new fragrance names. I can hear the byline in a slow husky voice saying:

“APPREHENSION – when you don’t know what will happen”

As they make their way into the large penthouse suite, it’s clear the not insignificant sums of money paid by about 30 couples is in large part paying for the venue, but then I start to wonder if the organisers had obtained the room through Airbnb. And what if they disclosed the use of the venue? And would they loose their deposit?

Strategically placed around the penthouse are a variation of latex and lube and tissues and towels, with plenty of alcohol in the kitchen that has been converted to a bar. There is a super large lounge room and dining area along with three bedrooms and a balcony. It leaves me wondering just how much of the revenue is going to be spent on cleaners.

John’s a bit caught in the headlights about it all but undaunted, Poly makes her entrance and immediately runs into James.

You remember James, he’s the guy from Poly’s work who was not being entirely honest with his partner about the whole open-relationship thing and how he and Poly had formed a very strong connection. It was broken off several weeks ago, and I was betting that James and Susan would be no-shows, but I was wrong. There they are at the event and before Poly has a chance to say anything, James blurts out “Oh…WOW!, Oh, hi Poly, haven’t seen you in ages. Has it been, how long, what, three years?”

And Poly thinks “I saw you yesterday you lying sack of shit.”

When Poly relates the story to me she exclaims “that lying fuck goes ahead and forces me into a position where I HAVE to continue with his stupid lie, and I fucking HATE lying. I’m really bad at any deception and I especially hate being put into a situation where I have no choice but to lie. He’s just gone and ruined my whole fucking evening. Fuck!”

So it’s clear that Poly is immediately uncomfortable, and it’s also clear that this discomfort would be obvious. It would be particularly obvious to another woman. Well it was, and Susan notices.

James then attempts to continue with the deception by asking “so what have you been up to?” Poly responds “oh, you know, work, yeah, and I’ve like, had a kid” but she is also boiling over with thoughts like “but you already know that you fucking asshole.”

With Poly blushing from the heat of being forced to lie, Susan becomes acutely aware of the lie being told by her boyfriend. But she won’t risk losing him, so therefore the other women must be to blame, and so her ice cold stare turns onto Poly instead of her lying sack of shit boyfriend.

All throughout history this sort of thing re-occurs frequently, where people blame the interloper rather than the person they are with, even though it is clearly their partner that is not being honest. This is the very heart of the problem with monogamy, and it is exactly the sort of thing Poly wants to avoid by being upfront about her polyamory.

Polyamory is not about deceit, it is philosophically the exact opposite, and on a spectrum between the upfront honesty of Polyamory and deceit through cheating, the concept of a so called “open relationship” is really just somewhere in between these two extremes. Open relationships do not sometimes inspire the trust implicit in Polyamory when both partners are committed to being open and honest about their other relationships. However with James and Susan it’s more “don’t ask, don’t tell”, and it generally ends up with both people in the dark about their partners true feelings and you end up with your classic ‘tangled web’. It’s clear that either Susan didn’t ask or James didn’t tell (probably the later because he’s a lying schmuck).

The conversation does not get any better with James and Susan, and after about 15-20 minutes, not much is happening in the room. Whilst it was Poly’s first “party” by this specific organiser, it was not the first time she’s been in a situation like this and relating it to me, she says “these things can accelerate pretty quickly” but right now, not much is going on, so Poly drags John over into the centre of the room and whispers to him that he needs to take her dress off.

Now John had never been in this sort of situation before, but to his credit he plays along as requested and undoes Poly’s dress so that it falls to the floor. Poly then moves down his body till she is on her knees, undoes his trousers and proceeds to give him a blow job.

At this point in the recital, Poly holds up her arms in victory claiming “YEAH! We started it!”

Everyone’s attention is turned to Poly and John, the noise level drops and pauses as they hold that space for several heartbeats. Then an explosion of the erotic began in earnest.

Clothes hit the floor, bodies hit other bodies, and it was full on. Weeks of pent up expectation in the forum just ignite the room. Couples start heading off to the bedrooms, where two would become three, then four, then all in.

Poly took John to a room where another couple had just started to go at it. After playing for a while in there they decide to take a ‘breather’ and actually end up running back into James and Susan and a unicorn (single girl) who all together explore another one of the bedrooms that had not yet been occupied. At this point Poly is in her lingerie, John is fully naked, unicorn is in lingerie, James is in his boxers and Susan is fully clothed!

Poly did a double take thinking that it was just her imagination. Nah, surely Susan was not ‘vibing’ her earlier, but as it turns out, yep she would not even make eye contact with Poly. James’ fantasy of having Susan and Poly hit it off was to remain the wet dream of his adolescent mind.

Unicorn ran off somewhere briefly which left Poly and John and James and Susan in the room together. I’m thinking at this point, to make it perfect, all they needed was a tranny to pop their head into the room and stretch out the word “A..w..k..w..a..r..d.. !!!”

Both couples are on the bed and making out with their respective partners and it is at this point Poly tells me “so I was kind of waiting for the ‘merge’, my last attempt to make eye contact and then the four of us merge together but Susan was having nothing of it and would not even look at me”. Poly was very clear now that Susan did not want a bar of her and this night was not going to go as planned. A few minutes later Susan whispered something to James of which Poly heard “I’ll go find them” before she runs out of the room. It was clear she had no interested in merging with Poly and went to find others she had met.

So Poly was left sitting on the bed between James and John, saying she felt awkward would be an understatement. John thought Poly would want to make the move on James but Poly knew by this point if Susan came back and was all over James there would be trouble. The three made “small talk” until Susan returned with the lesbian couple they had met earlier. As the room starting heating up more and more people were wanting to join in. By the tenth or twelfth person, and after a fun play with John and a cute Asian woman, Poly decides there are too many people and not really something she is interested in.

For Poly, it’s more the connection she craves. All in all she didn’t really spend much time there, and they left “early”. When I asked what time “early” was she said about 2.30am, which to my way of thinking is another kind of early? But anyway, Poly said that the deception by James put her out of sorts and all evening Susan just seemed to have it in for her.

James never got to have sex with Poly, it would have been too much for Susan. As it was, Susan probably had enough to contend with because apparently James became quite a popular item, with Poly overhearing in the bathroom an explicit conversation between a couple who were out to make sure they “got him”… you know… for sex.

After playing around for a bit, John and Poly left to go back to their hotel room. As soon as they stepped out of the penthouse Poly came clean about who James who. “Ahhh it all makes sense now. I thought James seemed unusually very into you and could tell Susan was not into it at all”.

John was really understanding about it all and Poly thought maybe she had not given him enough credit when deserved. They got back to the hotel room, John made a cushion heaven in the bathroom while he smoked a joint to level out. He and Poly chatted about the party and everything that had just occurred in the previous hours. And of course they then had sex… followed by lots more sex until 6am.

At which point they went to sleep, woke up mid-morning …and had sex.

Then they vacated the room for what I understand to be much overworked and underpaid cleaners that go unaccredited after these sorts of events. Followed by a trip back to the John’s Place, …where they had sex.

Which was followed later that evening when John’s friend who was in town for a visit came over. And after being given the offer, he agreed to join them in a threesome, and more sex.

Poly is telling me all this at lunch on Monday. She explains how once the stopper is removed, the flood of the erotic takes some time to recede. And besides, Poly still had something to look forward to because plans have been put in place where an ex-lover of Johns is moving back to the city and after explaining all this to her, she has agreed to meet them later in the week for….

….a game of tennis.

No just kidding, they are going to have sex.